Do not get me wrong, I am thankful for my God given gifts. I would be heartbroken if I woke and they were gone. Honest. BUT, we were all given certain gifts for a reason. I think much of the time, my "creativity" (I've told you how I feel about that word) depends on my external situation. My feelings influence what I am able to accomplish. It's almost like a log jam sometimes. I've also told you I'm not a hoarder, but in a way, I think I truly am. Not with stuff, but emotionally. I hoard these emotions, and they stop the process. Today I'm going to blog about that, and show you the artistic process that results. Not really a project, but hey, you get a look inside my world and you get to see what you're asking for when you wish you "had my talent." :O) This isn't a bitter post, just a sharing post.
So what is the DEAL??? Four days of this bizarro inability to build. I keep walking around looking for my "missing piece" I keep thinking. I really need to go to a garage sale or a thrift store, I need SOMETHING. I am missing a THING, but then I woke up today and realized, I'm not. I bought a fish yesterday. We got a great deal from a friend who was moving. We haven't had a fish in forever, so really, that should help, but it didn't fix any magic thing. Yes, I love our "new" old fish, Toad, but he wasn't the missing piece and neither would be any old new thing I could find at a yard sale. It's not that. I am missing PEOPLE who are important to me.
I posted a while back about learning from my two moms how to make do with what I had, and that I wasn't treated as a "broken" step child. I was never one of those kids who fantasized about my "real" mom and my "real" dad getting back together in some Haley Mills "Parent Trap" happy ending kind of way. That never really crossed my mind. I don't know why. I just NEVER pictured them together. It probably had something to do with the fact that I had siblings in both families. What I wanted more than anything in the world was to have all my siblings in the same place at once. That was my Brady Bunch happy ending. I HATED leaving one house to go to the other. It felt like abandoning my own children when I had to leave behind my sister or my brothers. I always wanted to grow up and have all of them come live with me.
Of course that never happened, because they grew up, too and they have families of their own. ;) Which brings us to today's emotional log jam...and the layers of the ogre onion. Some of the extended family don't quite get along. They haven't for a while. So my peaceful Utopian dreams of all us "kids" living happily ever after were shattered. And by shattered, I mean drop kicked, dragged on the ground, lit on fire, thrown off a building, swept back into a pile and packed into a cannon and fired over a sea of hungry sharks, shattered. Being the
I mean this really does look like craft barf.
"Just keep swimming"...Oh okay, he stole that line from another famous movie fish, but he's not "creative" like his new family, but we love his spirit. Really, his heart is in the right place and what he means is that you have to learn how to ride those waves of ups and downs. That's what life is all about. Thank you, kitchen fish, you are so Zen.